I know I preach about love
and I will admit that I do not always succeed in putting love forward
at times, like most of us, I’m flawed and human
at times the feelings of anger invade me
it is a rush like no other
all encompassing and devouring at times 
until there is only a sliver of love left
that last shred of light that no amount of darkness can over power
It is this light that I have come to rely on
to get me out of my darkness and remind me what feels good
I say often that you’ll never regret leading with love, and in my experience, I’m right
so it is discouraging when I fail
fail at something I know
fail when I know the answer
why the fuck do we do that
why do we know whats right and still waver to the wrong, to the painful
Is it all part of the process?
misdirected ego?
It is inevitable ?
more importantly, can we change it ?
Can we learn to always lead with love?
Or do we ultimately need the dark to appreciate the light?                                                             Or maybe both are true and we just need to get comfortable with duality 

Maybe thats where I need to stop the struggle.
I dont give up, but I most certainly give in.