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I know I preach about love
and I will admit that I do not always succeed in putting love forward
at times, like most of us, I’m flawed and human
at times the feelings of anger invade me
it is a rush like no other
all encompassing and devouring at times 
until there is only a sliver of love left
that last shred of light that no amount of darkness can over power
It is this light that I have come to rely on
to get me out of my darkness and remind me what feels good
I say often that you’ll never regret leading with love, and in my experience, I’m right
so it is discouraging when I fail
fail at something I know
fail when I know the answer
why the fuck do we do that
why do we know whats right and still waver to the wrong, to the painful
Is it all part of the process?
misdirected ego?
It is inevitable ?
more importantly, can we change it ?
Can we learn to always lead with love?
Or do we ultimately need the dark to appreciate the light?                                                             Or maybe both are true and we just need to get comfortable with duality 

Maybe thats where I need to stop the struggle.
I dont give up, but I most certainly give in.

11 sleeps till this little guy flys off to see his dad for most of the summer……bittersweet feelings as usual.
So happy for Chael and Len, but sad to let him go.
Always miss the little stinker SO much, especially after about a month.
Its excruciating at times.
You may see me cry about it, and then pull myself together
I see the worth and importance in it, so I do it. For him. For them. For us.
Soaking him up while i got him.
He’s so precious
Im happy he has so much love in his life
It takes him places

fuck thats beautiful .
Im off to invade my sons space for 11 days

I preach love.
I will admit that I do not always succeed in putting love forward.
at times, like most of us, I’m flawed and human.
at times the feelings of anger and resentment invade me.
all encompassing,
and it devours me.
until there is only a sliver of love left.
that last shred of light that no amount of darkness can over power.
It is this light that I have come to rely on.
to get me out of my darkness and to remind me.
I say often that you’ll never regret leading with love, and in my experience, I’m right.
so it is discouraging when I fail.
fail at something I know.
fail when I know the answer.
why the fuck do we do that.
why do we know whats right and still waver to the wrong, to the painful.
Is it all part of the process?
misdirected ego?
It is inevitable ?
more importantly, can we change it ?
Can we learn to always lead with love?
Or do we ultimately need the dark to appreciate the light?
Maybe thats where I need to stop the struggle.
I dont give up, but i most certainly give in.

-Farrin

I love and hate transparency
She’s a cruel bitch at times.
Only if you acknowledge her tho
society proves everyday that you can go on without her
pretend that she does not exist
As if the surface is all there is, nothing deeper, nothing more sacred
Our surface is not where our truth lies, our truth is inside us, nestled in beside change,
under the layers of ego
under the layers of fear
mostly, the fear of vulnerability
Its easier now a days to show our skin then it is to share our secrets
Its less of a pain to free the nipple then our demons
and somehow, its easier to bare my temple then it is to bare my heart
even to those that I love
This surface transparency is easy compared to the deeper version that coaxes us to grow,
at times beyond our own comprehension
Its easy to show you the colour of my skin
Its much harder to tell you my story of sexual abuse that i experienced as a child
Its easier to tell you that I went to college and succeeded,
then it is to tell you why it took me so long to get there
what held me back
why I was scared
Why my past life held me hostage, to no fault but my own
Its easier to tell you the good news
that the last four years changed my life for the better
That I’m so happy where I am
Its painful to tell you how hard it was at times
How many tears i cried, how alone I felt                                                                                           How losing my family was the most painful thing Ive ever endured, even though it was my choice
and yet somehow Im a better, stronger person for it
But it still hurts, i still cry
It is never black and white
Im in charge of what i reveal and what i hide
I’ve decided to see the power in transparency and the vulnerability that comes with it
I’ve decided what you do with my vulnerability reflects who you are, not me
Im sick of surface shit
i tire of the fluffy stuff
I wanna see whats in your heart
I want you to see whats in mine
With transparency, comes understanding
and understanding goes the distance in the dynamics of life
it allows connections much deeper then most of us are use to
That most of us, are scared of
I do not judge you
I am here to learn
and to love
and not just your surface
I wanna love you deeply
-Farrin